Ramblings of a Brilliant Madman

silence like a cancer grows

2006-08-19T08:49:50Z

fools said I you do not know, silence like a cancer grows...
hear my words that I might teach you...

but the words. like silent raindrops fell.

I kind of feel like that right now; like everything falls onto silence. No one cares about gestalt (the whole is greater than the sum of its parts), and it seems like they don't even have that concept in their mindspace... so computers start out okay, but when something is wrong, they add a feature, rather than fixing it. And people wonder why their brand new shiny computers don't run well.

Art and science must be combined.

you want things to be beautiful.
open your eyes.

3.14159
1 1 2 3 5 8 13
E = mc^2
basic numbers even. the fact that there /are/ rules of nature.

interesting.

2006-07-31T07:14:55Z

hm... there were a lot of "but I could choose this..." choices, but I like what came out.

Your Love Number is 4

You are a creative and expressive lover - a true romantic at heart.
An introspective soul, you know exactly how your ideal relationship should be.
But if you don't get that ideal, you tend to get a bit pouty and dramatic.
You need someone who can roll with the punches, that's for sure!

What Is Your Love Number?

pandirectional @ 2006-07-29T14:35:00

2006-07-29T18:50:24Z

Here I am, listening to You Told Me, by Crawford (www.myspace.com/secrawford) and thinking about connections and strangenesses and beauty and wonder.

People tend to view me as a tramp. I find this a little strange, but maybe by their definition I am. Comment on this, tell me what you think. email me at pandirectional@gmail.com if you don't feel comfortable commenting it.

Important people seem to all be so far away, or heading that way. Drew's moving to Florida for his brother, Sara's been busy with other things and people for so long that I'm not sure she's still here, Joe's in California and without contact for over a year... maybe I should just save some money and move to Oregon or Washington. Find a place that I can drag Drew and his brother along so that it'll be Good. Portland, Seattle, Everett. Evergreen would be shiny as well.

I still can't stand the emotional tornado of talking to Ashley. I feel like I'm spinning downward into oblivion or something else terrible, even when it's Drew on the phone with her and not me. I don't even know why for sure, cause I Know at very deep levels that she was terrible for me. I was unhappy and felt chained and was looking away from Life. Maybe it's just the talking to her.

I don't know. I still miss her sometimes.

You told me not to go
said you needed me here, you were in pain
I said "yes fine, I love you"
but after two months I felt my wings burning.

You told me to stay on the phone
said that I was helping
I said "if you say so" for I didn't see it
after two months you were still just as broken.

You told me I was not in your shell
then you went back to say it I was
just not as deep
but I heard the truth the first time, so now I'm leaving. I need my wings back.

randomness.

2006-07-06T07:11:36Z

it's late enough that I'm allowed.

http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20040421

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

http://talesfromthevault.com/thunderstruck/index.html

beauty. love. grace. confusion. hurt. joy. sadness.
wonder.
Stories.
Water.

stereo and music.

2006-06-20T20:29:51Z

The Story didn't go too well, because I don't think that enough people understood why it was important to me. It almost seemed like a few actually thought that bringing Bradbury as a story that is part of my beliefs was inapropriate. Whatever.
I love having a stereo. I loove having a van. theindiequeen sat in the back of my van playing guitar for some hours last night, while I drove around. It was incredible. Everyone should have someone play guitar in the back of their van (or whatever) for hours.
I'm going to be going to a party tonight in work clothes. On the one hand, meh, but on the other, it's all good people. Ie, people that I already know and am comfortable with.
Much love all around. See ya'll there.

new stereo... I hope.

2006-06-19T16:43:03Z

My dad confuzzles me. He lectures me for over an hour about spending too much money, then the next day, buys me a new car stereo (the old one broke). What gives?

However. This means I have a new stereo! yay! I can finally listen to the mound of CD's that theindiequeen gave to me.

Tonight, I am Telling a Story to tc_borderpagans as a whole. this makes me extremely apprehensive, though excited at the same time. I think I am going to wear a business suit and tie, but I haven't decided for sure yet. I'm trying to show that I can, in fact, dress up and look clean, but it might come off as pretentious.

Last night, I made a list of things I love. I challenge you all to do the same.

Writers- post to my last challenge!! please?

a challenge, to all who would write.

2006-06-12T01:52:36Z

What is the opposite of a spider web? Why?